Today I am thankful for authenticity and
empathy. This is why I am so confident of displaying my vulnerabilities
with the audience, so to speak, and why I make special point to express
gratitude for those who have shown me compassion and appreciation,
especially in 2018, when I really needed it most. THANK YOU ��
know, tons of people have asked me, the past few years, how and why I
got into the adult entertainment industry. I usually avoid the question
or placate the asker to be honest. More recently I’ve given partial
truth and stated I didn’t want to talk about it much. My reasoning was
based in knowledge of psychology, marketing, and personal experience
with discrimination. But I underestimated the volume of people who, for
whatever reason, felt they “needed” to know and filled in the blanks
with assumptions, for lack of solid answers.
Here’s the whole truth finally:
this is not new to me, being chronically ill. I knew my diagnosis years
beforehand, and I knew my primary disease Myalgic Encephalomyelitis was
(1) progressive (2)incurable. I knew I was no longer going to be
physically capable of utilizing any of my degrees nor working in my
fields of profession. I needed a back up plan.
But WHY this particular industry?
I also knew my limitations and amount of income needed. I wasn’t going
to be able to work outside the home, nor be approved for disability.
it’s a legit disability WHY aren’t you on SSDI?Although M.E. has
scientific based evidence and a ‘Quality Of Life Score’ lower than hiv,
certain cancers and multiple scleroses(meaning living with M.E.
negatively impacts patients health and lives more than those
aforementioned ailments does) there were not ENOUGH peer reviewed
studies on the disease to convince the medical community as a whole.
MANY doctors to this day have never studied this disease, nor even heard
of it ?!? Some doctors assume the physical symptoms are manifestation
of psychological illness. This has since been disproven and the CDC
website formally changed it’s definition of the disease. I was still
denied disability again anyway.
I usually get a plethora of
follow-up questions: well then why didn’t you try this, why didn’t you
go there, why didn’t you do that instead… ? It seems to be every ones
instinct to immediately doubt me and make unflattering assumptions. And
this is not something specific to me as an individual but how MANY
chronically ill/disabled people are treated and also how MANY single
moms are treated, especially those who choose to be part of the adult
industry for survival. I am answering not because I care terribly about
opinions of me, not because I feel the need to prove myself, but to
bring light to the way that people in my situation are treated.
you said “survival” that must mean you don’t actually enjoy it?
Incorrect. I ENJOY myself/my appearance, helping other women my age feel
confident and sexy in their own skin (I’m 44 by the way.) and I enjoy
the ability to work from home, make my own schedule, etc. I enjoy
surviving and not being homeless yes. I do. Don’t you??? As a single mom
w/o a support system my resources were severely limited and this was
the best option for me.
Why was that the best option for you?
Because I’m an only child, all my family members are deceased now. My
ex-husband had stolen savings, moved out of state to unknown location,
is thousands in arrears on child support, my credit shot/didn’t qualify
for a loan. No one else to help, and no other way to get income.
my medical condition has worsened, my appearance and working styles
have changed, and I have become more open about my health issues A LOT
of people have unfollowed me, or stopped interacting with me/muted me on
social media. A lot of people have gossiped. And even more questions
have arisen. Very very many people are judges, doubters & haters of
anyone with disabilities (what’s worse is that many of them are
completely clueless about the extent of their own ableism) they struggle
to accept dualities “you can’t be disabled and also sexy” and there was
an emotional reaction to hearing the word “disease” from someone who
claimed to be sexy.
Many have accused me of being a hypochondriac,
liar, faker, lazy, pity seeker, etc. I haven’t gained a damn thing from
ANY of this. I have almost lost everything as a matter of fact. I’ve
zero ulterior motive in being forth right ?!
When I started
obviously losing weight, it got even worse. When I was down to 125lb I
got hate mail ranging from “for God’s sake eat more please” to “why
don’t you just hurry up and die already” I was accused of having an
eating disorder and also being a drug addict, while my coworkers of the
same height to weight ratio got complimented on their appearance.
NOW you see the main reasons why I did not divulge my diagnosis right
out of the gate. I would have been judged, discriminators would have
denied me work w/o getting to know me first, and I wouldn’t have been
able to succeed.
I deliberately did mainstream porn as SOON as I
decided to enter the industry while I was still healthy enough to travel
and pull long hours- so as to get my name out and build a following
before I got worse (and no my followers are not bought I have that many
because I was published on multi pro platforms).
Once I built a
following I ‘retired’ from mainstream immediately. I then had some
traffic to drive to my amateur clip store which I opened couple years
The following year I launched my paid
membership site VanyaVixen.com it’s updated weekly and I continue to
work from home publishing solo content. So now you know. It was all
The multi mini hiatuses 2017-2018 were secondary to my
health rapidly worsening. I then discovered toxic mold in the walls of
our rental home and learned that I had developed CIRS as result
(biotoxin illness) I went into flare state again. In September when it
was time to renew our Landlord added lease addendum making tenants
responsible for their own maintenance/refusing mold removal and we had
to make an abrupt unplanned move in October which sent me into a full
crash. I am finally beginning to recover from the crash and hope to
return to pre flare state SOON. I have ALOT of great stuff planned for
2019. Obviously I am rebranding but let it be known I am definitely NOT
quitting the industry.
Yes, I am still producing new content and
have just resumed taking custom orders. I also offer text sessions and
sale of worn garments/select personal items. I NEED my fans/followers
now to help me out! You know I NEVER ever “beg” for things but to help
my relaunch I need you to promote me, like and RT my posts, be more
interactive on my social media pages, most importantly invest in me! Buy
a text session or do a naughty picture exchange via
sextpanther.com/vanyavixen , buy a clip clips4sale.com/87355 , join my
website VanyaVixen.com or just send me a tip!!! I also offer “rewards”
for those who gift me items from my Amazon wishlist. Seriously guys,
this year and especially this recent move, liked to have fucking killed
me. It’s essentially like I’m starting over again in December. It’s
scary and it’s a struggle but I am also excited to “re-emerge” finally
and fully. For those precious few who have stuck with me throughout the
trials and tribulations, I am so utterly thankful for your support!
closing, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Thanks for taking the
time to read it. I hope you all have a magnificent holiday season and I
am SO looking forward to entertaining you and tantalizing you in the
years to come!